School starts again, and I have to say I dread it. Not because of the school or what I'm studying (because I love to study), but because the summer is over and the autumn and winter is coming closer. Those two seasons would have been lovely if I could just stay inside reading and relaxing, but I know that I will not have a holiday until next summer. The pressure of the exams is in my thoughts all autumn, I become antisocial, cranky and depressed, and I just want to stay in my bed all the time.

Then the winter arrives, and all I want is to spend it at home with my family doing christmassy things, but I have to work most of the time (that is the price to pay when you work in a record store.) So, here I am, school starts tomorrow and I can't even enjoy my last day in this fine weather. This autumn I will try and spend most of my weekdays doing schoolwork, and keep the weekend free from schoolwork and schoolthoughts. And even though I have plenty of schoolbooks to read, I will try and read some other books as well... and watch a bunch of old movies.

Do you have some good tips of how to keep oneself happy in the autumn/winter?

July - December

July
I enjoyed the summer and the first summervecation in two years. Had the worlds best birthday with good friends and my dear boy at my cabin. It felt like I only had the greatest of things in front of me; a boyfriend, school, new job, an apartment.

August
I moved into a new apartment with three others, had my boyfriend in Oslo, started on a Bachlore program at UiO, started to work at Platekompaniet in Oslo and had great expectations for the remains of the year.

September

I saw Tori Amos in concert for the third time, and I played a good student and a good homewife by cleaning the apartment and cooking meals for myself and with the boy

October
I recieved some bad news that I would, later on, have a hard time getting over. I had to have some kind of change in my life so I colored my hair red. I ended the month with a wonderfull halloweenparty at a friends apartment

November
This month was hard as always. I spent the time failing my driverslicense, get over the bad news and reading for my exam in litterature from the classical antiquity to the 17th century. On top of that my dear grandfather died. There were some good moments with party with my colleagues and a trip to the north with the boy to vissit his mother.

December

I finished my first semester at UiO and had the time to enjoy some books off the curriculum. I saw Eddie Izzard live (I was right at the front), experienced my first christmas at the recordsstore in Oslo, celebrated christmas and new years eve in my hometown and got the best gift ever from the boy: an old Singer sewingmachine

January - June

January
I ended up with a sore throat/the flue after working my way through christmas. I spent the month reading alot and trying to get myself out of the wintermood.

February
I visited my sister in Throndheim, we watched lots of oscarnominated movies and spent the whole night watching the oscars (as tradition)

March
Got back to one bad habit, that I luckily got rid of a month or two later

April
I started and finished a tattoo on my arm, that also was the beginning of a sleeve to come.
I reconectet with an old friend of mine, but he went away with the circus(!) and I spent the time with some good and lovely friends.

May
The boy came back from the circus and I deleted a heavy burden from my life.
He became my boyfriend after a trip to Copenhagen with a sweet friend of his, where we ran away from the stressful celebrations of the 17th of May.

June
I quit my job as a fulltimeworker in the recordstore, Platekompaniet, and I traveled to Paris with a dear friend of mine. We experienced that the French were snotty, and I saw the most beautifull place ever made: Marie Antoinettes Petit Trianon, her village and her garden in Versailles.

family

I recieved a challenge some weeks ago by this girl. I'm not a big fan of those challanges that runs around here in the bloggingworld, but this one gave me the excuse to write about someone I love. The challenge was "Family is important - write about someone in your family." I could write about the whole lot of them, from my caring and sweet father to my loving and somewhat nervous mother, from my grandparents which I hold so dearly to my funny and generous uncle and his sweet partner, from my one-of-a-kind boyfriend to the rest of my special family. Anyway, this time I'm writing about the person I look to as my best friend: my sister!

It will be an understatement to say that my sister and I were fighting when we were kids. We did not only fight, but I can surely say that we had our own war going on, and each day we tried to kill eachother. Ok, I may exaggerate abit, but just a tiny bit. It all came out of jelousy I guess. It started with my sisters jealousy of sharing our parents love with a small brat like me (like most children), and this all began the day I was born. My sister got ill and puked (ok, maybe she was sick, or maybe she was nervous), and at my baptism she tried to be the centre of attention. Despite all that, I think she secretly loved me.

When I got older, I became the annoying one. I was jealous of my sister and her friends, and I desperatly wanted to play with them. Many times I did. I remember playing all sorts of games, and I remember a weird sort of game I always wanted to play with my sister. I loved it when we played superman and she made me fly, or we would play bombs and just jump down from a chair(!), or I wanted my sister to play a snake (do you remember more of those small games, sister?) We also played more morbid games like bury eachother beneath pillows and such, and then quickly burry eachother up again, or trying to bring eachother "back to life" by giving each other mouth to mouth (we were kids). Even though we fought alot, I've got so many wonderfull memories from our childhood together, like Friday night when we came home from our choirepractise, watched "Disney-dags" and ate "Kinderegg", or the normal Saturdays when we ate our regular hamburger, watched 'Allo 'Allo and draged all our beddings out on the floor infront of the TV, or all the lovely summers out at our cabin and all the times we slept at our grandparent places, sleeping in our grandmothers bed with our yellow silk pyjamas.

My sister has from those days on, been the most important person in my life. She is the one I can always count on and call if I'm having a difficult time. I even remember her driving home from somthing one night just to compfort me, she lay beside me until I fell alseep. We often slept at eachothers room even though we got older, and I guess I would still do it if we lived at the same place. I love the fact that we are so alike these days, our intrests, our humour and also in many ways our personality.

Beside being a wonderfull support in my life, she is also the brightest, the wisest and the most beautifull person in the world. She is a person I admire, and I am awfully proud to be her sister. I also want to mention that I'm so happy she has found herself the man she has, and I really admire the relationship they have.

I can't wait to see you both in a few weeks time!

(please let me know if you want me to delete the pictures)

....

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me...

Loreena McKennit

It was my grandfathers funeral today. I'm gonna miss him.

"Født gæ'rn. Fanga vill"
<3

...att leva mitt liv som Olle Extraliv

Tjugodredje juli. I dag har jag tänkt mycket på vår stundt här på jorden, alltings storhet, men också litenhet. Altså alla ska ju dö en dag. Så är det ju bara.

Jag vet inte, jag försöker att tänke mig det. Ett sista djupt andetag, man fyller bröstkorgen tills den är helt sprängfylld, hjärtat kramar i en avslutande kramp, och till hjärnan strömmar det varmt blod, yrsel och värme, för att seda rinna bort. Lite i taget. Du är borta, det kanske är skönt, fan vet jag?

Jag minns en kille som hette Olle Extraliv. Han blev påkörd av en buss men överlevde. Men han ska ju också dö en dag men inte den här gången, han har ju ett liv til, Olle Extraliv. Det måste vara jävligt skönt att få en andra chans, en andra chans å leva, att leva mitt liv som Olle Extraliv.

Farväl Falkenberg

sail away...

I'm gonna miss your funny comments and funny stories,
your odd and sweet character
and your positive way of thinking.
You were one of a kind.
Take care and sleep well, grandfather

Have you?

Have you ever experienced something so terrible, that you just cant believe it is happening to you? that you are on the outside looking in on yourself? this is not happening to me. Who is that girl? Why is she crying?

Pic: Jan Saudek

death

I had this horrible dream the other night. My dad was about to die of some unknown diseas, and I woke up crying and feeling the stangest feeling. I've never been afraid of death (its just a natural way of life, right?), but I woke up feeling sad. Sad about the fact that all of the people I know, my family and friends, will die. Sad about my own death. Sad about the fact that I wil never experience this life again, never be 20 years again, never be 16, never be 5. I will never know how it will be to me at the age of 5 again, all I have is vague memories. Poeple will die, and I will never have the chance to speak to them again, see them again, hold them again. All will just pass. Only vague memories remain...

a new era - a fresh start

I honestly didn’t think that I would get a fresh start at the age of almost 20. Turning 20 (or 18, or 19) haven’t meant a lot to me, because I still want to be a kid (no problems, no responsibilities, right?). Anyway, at the age of (almost) 20, I find myself going into a new era, with a fresh start. I’ve had a pretty much tough year and my teenage years have been somewhat shaky, but as the months have gone by I have felt that I’m leaving those years behind me and all the little puzzle pieces are falling into place. I’ve pretty much becomed the person I was when I were a kid, (with abit more wisdom and a lot more responsibilities) which actually feels great!

So these are the puzzle pieces that are falling into place:

4 days left at work:
I’ve had a wonderful time working at Platekompaniet, and I’ve got to know a bunch of lovely people, but it comes a time when its time to move on. I’m leaving town so I have to leave this job as well, but I hope that I get the chance to keep working for these people in the future somehow. Anyway, I’m leaving work abit earlier to do some things for myself. To get the time to travel, read lots of books, watch gorgeous old movies, sit up all night drawing and writing silly stories that fills my head, and just to be ME for a while without thinking about duties and responsibilities.

New city, new apartment:
I’ve had best of luck and have found three sweet people that have said yes to share an apartment with me in Oslo. So now comes the real time to start being an adult and I will have to pay my own bills, wash my own clothes, make my own dinner and do all those things I have pretty much taken for granted. It does feel nice to finally start on all this. And I can’t wait to start packing all my stuff and by new furniture for my room.

Paris:
In a two weeks time, Christina and I will be in Paris. This is a trip I’ve been dreaming of for a long long time, and the day is soon here. We will shop pretty things in lots of second hand stores, see beautiful places like Versailles, pretend that we are Amelie, drink tea/coffee at small Parisian café’s and simply enjoying life for a while…. Paris, je t'aime

School:
After one year off school, I’m finally starting school in August. The plan is to start studying literature, and the truth is that I’m actually looking forward to start reading and studying again.

Good friends:
Friends are always there, but these days I can’t stop thinking about how lucky I am to have such good friends (both new and old). You know who you are, and you all makes life so much better and so much more fun. Thank you!

A “love interest”:
Yes, you heard me. Anyway; this is pretty much the only thing I’m gonna write about this, but you know who you are, and you do make me happy.



I do know that some days will come with a few obstacles and some bad news, but I feel strong and fit enough to handle them. Maybe I’m starting to grow up?

Morning Theft

Time takes care of the wound, so I can believe.
You had so much to give, you thought I couldn't see.
Gifts for boot heels to crush, promises deceived
I had to send it away to bring us back again.
Your eyes and body brighten silent waters, deep.
Your precious daughter in the other room, asleep.
A kiss "Goodnight" from every stranger that I meet.
I had to send it away to bring us back again.
Morning theft, and pretender left, ungrateful.
True Self is what brought you here, to me.
A place where we can accept this love.
Friendship battered down by useless history,
Unexamined failure.
What am I still to you?
Some thief who stole from you?
Or some fool drama queen whose chances were few?
Love brings us to who we need, a place where we can save
A heart that beats as both siphon and reservoir.
You're a woman, I'm a calf.
You're a window, I'm a knife.
We come together making chance into starlight.
Meet me tomorrow night, or any day you want.
I have no right to wonder just how, or when.
And though the meaning fits, there's no relief in this.
I miss my beautiful friend.
I had to send it away to bring her back again.



The hardest part is to hate someone you used to love. I don't want to hate, I just want peace.
Please, do not forget me, and please do not act this way.

I'm coming up on infrared

Ok, I've been pretty lazy with this blog lately, which I've made a promise to myself that I will not be. I need this little place of "me", but in these times I got things on my mind that I simply don't want in here. This will not be my personal blog of negative thoughts and complaints, so I just need some time to get over it all.
In exchange I got plenty of blogentries all figuered out, and ready to be typed out.

In the meantime (or the little time I got on my hands now that the christmas "finaly" has arrived to the shop) I will spend my time at what I do best when I want to recover from something; read, read, dream, read.


I really do hope that you all have a merry christmas!